"Call the police there's a madman around"

This isn't a Pet Shop Boys-related post, but Crivvens, Jesus jumping Christ on a sandcastle, there truly was some uber-madness in the streets in the West End (Girls) of Glasgow on Saturday.

This really is more like a police request for further information relating to an incident. Can anyone help?

Was indulging in a spot of the old ultra-drinking with some fellow ruffians on that night. We parked the jalopy, with our cargo in the boot off University Challenge Avenue and went to Tennent's for refreshments prior to our engagement at a party.

En route, there was a man defacating in the street. Not a regular occurence I'm told around these parts. He pointed his finger to his mouth and made a shushing sound. We headed to the pub perplexed, but didn't think more of it.

It was only later, enjoying a cigarette at the corner of Byres and Highburgh, that we saw the same man, well beast really, strutting up the road, filled with intent (no longer full of waste matter, we would imagine) with no shoes, no socks, no underpants or trousers on. We watched aghast.

While this was all very amusing, nay perplexing, it later begged the question, how did this man get into his house? Unless he was holding his house keys tight in his hand, he would have had to ask someone to let him. How exactly do you explain your way out of that situation? Also, who answered the door? There would be very different response be it wife/girlfriend/husband/boyfriend, brother/sister, mother/father, friend/flatmate, I would wager.

If anyone knows anything more about this, or even better, if you were the beast himself, please do not hesitate to contact this confused correspondent. This is a feacal fiasco and no mistake. We demand satisfaction.